Wow. Today has been rough. The kids have played together pretty well, but when I asked them to do a few simple chores... attitude.
Attitude, whining, arguing, and complaining. I did good - I held my ground and didn't put up with the grumbling. But the more firm I tried to be, the worse the whining and complaining got. Then - I broke. I yelled, and unleashed all my pent up frustration on the girls. It was rest time, so I just sent them to bed. The looks on their poor little faces were horrible and I will never forget it. I closed the door and went to tuck Sam into bed for his nap.
By then I was calm and felt like the worst mother on the planet. I went back in and calmly apologized to them for my outburst. I told them that my reaction was not appropriate. They forgave me and we sat and had a good talk.
As I sit here now, in a quiet house, with all the children in their sweet sleep, I reflect on the day. Sometimes when life is full of stress and the weight starts to bear down, I tend to keep it all pushed down inside and try to carry on. It never fails, when I get so full of junk- it only takes one small thing and the volcano erupts inside of me. And out of my mouth it spews.
My Lord wants better for me. He wants better for my family, and for my children. I must fall on my face before Him and confess my sins, confess my fears, confess my insecurities. He is the only one who can truly comfort me, who can truly fill me, who can truly guide me. Lord I ask you today for wisdom, I ask you for your Holy Spirit to fill me with your peace. I desire a home that is filled with words of love, of encouragement, of hope. I pray that you, Lord, will remind me when I try to take control that only You can be trusted with being in control.
I will rest in that today and every day.
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